Being 50

Is that me? 50 years old, well it arrived in May this year 2008, my son duly reminded me that I had safely arrived at my half century. Thank you so much for that comment, believe me I know! The years of summers past are etched in the lines around my eyes and the small creases just between my eyes are from the frowns when I was telling one of my four at times unruly children off, as a "turn it down!" and "pick up YOUR mess!" You see if I had smiles all through my life, I would only have had little creases around my mouth as my lips rolled back to reveal my smile. If only I have known! Just think, 50 summers, 50 winters, 50 Christmases and 50 birthdays. My face declares the evidence of my joy, my laughter, my tears and fears; it's all on there like a map of my existence. How glad I can see those pages, those chapters of my life, what a shame that some ladies feel that they are to be disguised and smoothed by surgical and cosmetic ideals. Ironed out creases, waxed and stretched out and tucked away so no one knows the truth of how old you really are, Shhhhhhhhhhh

But my appreciation of anything beautiful around me flows very freely, the concept of going out! Is treated with great relish, it's all enhanced as the BIG clock ticks away. But this is a time of freedom, being a single parent for the last 10 years after my late husband died very suddenly. The responsibility of the children (4) has subsided dramatically; they are all living independently, well sort of! You know the plaintive call, text, email, mum can I borrow some money (that you know you will never get back) When you have to sneak a chunk of money into their bank accounts so your husband doesn't know that you have had yet another moment of weakness and your maternal stings have been well and truly twanged.

Oh well, after all at 50 you can give them your wisdom (that they never listen to) but you can try and that's all you can do. But my 50th year had an unexpected turn. As when we all celebrated with my family, I was overwhelmed that all platoon members had been collected to share my special day, I was not scared of it, I embraced it, even looked forward to it. But it did make me feel different! I felt a little fragile, particularly as my husband was being relocated from the UK to the USA, we were going to start a new life in more ways than one! So this birthday was even more important, and I wondered how many more times we would be able to gather the 'platoon' again as my family were all over the uk, from north to south and their parents were about to live in another country. How much more important it was to hug them one more time and tell them I love them. I will always worry about them no matter what.

 My eyes conked out when I was just over 40, so that was ok I was used to being blind trying to read a new recipe on the side of a frozen pack of fish, but they worsened as time went on and I really can't read anything close up unless I squint with the text next to my eyes. Now that is a real pain in the neck constantly reaching for the dammed glasses every time you want to and need to read anything. My weight (although under strict control from the God scales in my bathroom) sits on my hips much more than normal. My bras however are overflowing; I can't feel sad about that. My hair is 35% grey according to my hairdresser, it's an easy disguise but quite frankly I have forgotten what my real color is, but the bonus is that I now have wavy hair/curly hair. I was always so envious of my older sister, who had such pretty wavy hair, but it's thinning, handfuls of hair block the plughole. I have come to the conclusion that you have to take great care of yourself as best you can without being totally celibate of all things a bit on the naughty side.

My memory fluctuates; I can no longer have the luxury of instant recall. It has to be retrieved via my memory filling cabinet and oddly it's usually stored in a place that I have to think a link for, like a handle into that particular subject matter, it's all so time consuming. The 'change' is fast approaching oh joy but what the hell, bring it on, I can't help feeling that my menstruating days are finally dawning, oh how I will mourn that day, NOT! I have always tried to use herbal remedies rather than drugs to get me over the hurdles. If I have to pill pop more then that's what I will do, no big deal. Keeping a positive image of myself, not slipping into the doldrums by doing yoga, spending as much time with my husband and the people that I love, either by phone or internet, enjoying good food either cooked by me or together with my husband or the treat of eating out.

However my joy of eating has recently been curtailed as my teeth are not coping as well as the rest of the body, most are filled and I have really tried to look after them, but all are so sensitive that I wince with pain with anything too hot, sweet, or very cold. Which more or less covers most of the food that I eat, so when I arrived in the USA on July 4th my first visit was to the dentist. One was duly sought by a recommendation of my neighbor and thankfully the worst tooth offender has been silenced, crowned with porcelain and peace reigns within the boundaries of my mouth. Thank you Mr. Dentist, you are my pain escape savior, until the next time when the next tooth that falls away at a bite of Chocolate fudge cake. But tonight as it's FRIDAY I will be savoring an icy glass of Sauvignon Blanc with my husband, chinking glasses, CHEERS here is to the next 50 years how wonderful is that.