The True Essence of Me

I have spent all of the previous year remolding myself to be the person I wanted and needed to be. Who I used to be is a reminder of who I never want to be ever again. I never used to be studious or expressive. I was always negative and never had any trust in anyone. I seemed to always have a wall up between me and everyone else who ever tried to get too close. It took a near death experience to open my eyes to how I was living. I had an epiphany; I realized that life is way too short to live how I was living.

After that, I knew I had to make some drastic changes. I became way more confident in myself and in my abilities. I knew that to question yourself was to question your purpose for being alive, and life is too short for that. I also took down the wall I always had up between everyone I actually cared about.

I let people get inside and see the real me and the beautiful soul I really have. Then I started to voice my opinion realizing that if I never speak up then that gives everyone else the right to assume that I have no opinion. The major change I experienced is the fact that I no longer cared what others think me, only what I think of me. If I let others rule me, that would make me a sheep, so I decided to hang up the wool and trade it in for a more comfortable fit. I decided to take control of my life and that includes being myself.

I also am a realist and an idealist. I realize how much of a contradiction this is, and I have had to live with these two qualities since I knew what the words meant. As a realist I see the world as it is, expecting nothing more and nothing less. Although on the flipside of that, I am an idealist. I see the world as it should and could be but never hoping for anything more. Being a realist is sometimes very difficult, it is sometimes perceived as being cynical. I don't really see it that way.

I am not a cynic I just believe that some things will just never change. As an idealist I see how the world could be, this is very frustrating with me also being a realist. The things that I see how they should be I know they will never change.

All in all as a person I am one who holds my beliefs, friends and family, and values above everything else. I am a person who doesn't give up on anything that I start, someone who knows the difference between right and wrong, also I am a person who is very headstrong, but I do hear other peoples beliefs. I also do not do anything without thinking it through, even when I take risks. I think often so quickly that a decision that a normal person would take a couple days, takes me only a couple of hours. Although at this point in my life, I know who I am personally, but I still have a lot to learn about myself, but I figure that is what I am attending college for.

At this point in my life I am at a very good place emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There was one time in my life when I realized how lucky I am to be where I am. On a trip to New Zealand and Australia, some of my friends and I would sneak out every night just to lay out somewhere and look up at the stars. In Australia and New Zealand the skies are so clear and clean from pollution that we could see everything. We saw galaxies, planets, shooting stars and everything else you can't see here.

At that moment I realized that in the whole scope of the world I am just one person. Sitting under something so magnificent and spectacular can really put your life into focus. It can really make you wonder what we are complaining and if our insignificant problems really matter. Those moments really put my life into perspective. It was then I realized that we are all a part of something much bigger.

We are all meant to help each other, to be humanitarians. After all why else is the word "human" in humanitarian? I am at a point in my life where I figure that I need to help people out. In my opinion it's better to help others in their time of need and be remembered for that, than to be remembered for being rich and never helping others out.

At this point in my life I am right where I need to be. I am in college, surrounded by great people, I have amazing friends, parents, and even coworkers. I am finding out who I really am, which will lead me to bigger and better things. This is the part of my life which I consider to be my transition stage from being in an environment with no responsibility, to an environment where every decision is up to me. I am not completely independent yet, but I am somewhere which will lead me to being my own person and establishing my own identity.