What I think about when I think I'm thinking too much.
Do I read too much into it? Probably, but what if I'm right? Then I've read into it correctly. Do I read too little? I don't know. But none of us are always sure about everything.
I find it complimentary and puzzling at the same time that women are surprised to learn I'm single. It's nice to think that maybe they see me as a good catch or something, but it makes me curious because I really don't think I'm anything special. Just a normal guy. After all, we are all our own worst critics.
I'm always amused by this “surprise” leading to people asking “Why are you single?” My answer always leads people to some response of disbelief. I tell them I'm shy and no one believes me. I don't take offence, I'm kinda flattered, but it's true. I am. I can go out and make friends, no problem. I get shy though when I think that there may be something more and it usually leads to the girl mistaking my not-so-obvious pleasure of her company for boredom. The obvious choice is to make that interest known, right? I find that easier said than done though for some reason. The stupid thing is I'm always looking out for the girls best interest above my own. It's a nice thing to do, but I can see why they say nice guys finish last.
I think too much about shit like that. I've always been the kind of guy to see things from all angles before making my move in that sort of situation. I guess that helps in making me an easy going guy, but it's just who I am, it's what I do. I wonder if she's thinking what I'm thinking. I wonder if she's not. Am I reading too much into things? Am I seeing the signs? Probably. Am I missing them? Usually. I never know though, but I'm always thinking about it. I'd like to just blame my male genetics for my lack of observation, but I figure I should be able to do something about if I know it exists.
I would hate to make a move if she ain't interested. I can take the rejection, it's just that I find myself drawn to the girls I can chill with and have a cool relationship with, and so I would hate to make them think they would have to stop being so cool with me, thus making things weird. I know this sounds very over-analytical but this is the shit that goes through my head and inevitably keeps me from making moves on girls. Even though if I would just shut up and make the move and come out on top of the situation. Literally. I know this, and it's I hate that I don't do anything about it. But there goes my shyness again. It'd be cool if a girl liked me and just told me to shut up and kiss her. I couldn't do that myself. Kind of hypocritical in a way I know, but trust me, I've wanted to, a lot.
I almost feel like I should apologize in a way for the signs I have missed. I always think about it after and wonder if I they were signs that I was missing or just nothing that I've read too much into it yet again. I know I have missed signs, I've been told so. It's good to know that they were THERE, but it sucks to know that they WERE there.
It's happened too where I didn't even have a crush on a friend, but thought maybe she might have one on me. Which is totally fine with me. I'm not gonna stop someone from liking me, I'm just never sure so I don't do anything. I'm just a friend, so I act as such. Not that I mean to dissuade any harbouring feelings, but I don't think about it at the time. I just don't see myself as the type of guy they would go for. Otherwise we wouldn't be "just friends". I hope no one's ever taken it personally. Not my intention. So, I usually just chalk the crush up to something that's just in my head and it gives me a minute to think “wow, someone's got the "hots" for me” which is always a good feeling ain't it? You know it is.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't regret the things I've done in life as much as I regret the things I haven't done. You think I'd have the sense to do something about it. We'll see.
Well I've gone on long enough about my extraordinary ability to over analyze that which some people can handle like second nature. Maybe I'm not-too-swift and need some help. Maybe my intelligence is just too big for me to handle at the moment and this is how I deal with it. That would be nice. But I'm too modest too actually say for sure. Or maybe I should just shut up and do something about it since I know all this about myself.
