When I was six-teen wanted a driver's license. I read a manual took two tests and paid $16 to make my dream come true. When I was thirty my wife and I decided to become parents. It took a $12.00 bottle of wine to reach that goal.
During the next eight years we tackled a bottle of Chardonnay and a bottle of Pinot Grigio. My wife likes wine and I care about destinations not vehicles. The result was three female children. Next time I'll try beer.
A few years ago we visited the Happiest Place on Earth, Disney World. Admission to the park, t-shirts plus other assorted important items, and lunch cost about a hundred dollars a head. I had crackers and water for lunch. The day was rainy but we pressed on because we were leaving the Sunshine State the next morning. The rain kept the lines short.
Note to self: A Dad waiting on line can't be in a shop reaching for his credit card. This was my only Disney revelation: long lines are Dad's friend in The Magic Kingdom. Had it been a sunny day I could have left the Magic Kingdom with an extra “C” note.
Our kids loved the day. The picture of our family on Dumbo is on my mother's kitchen window sill. Good memories. The Mickey Mouse t-shirts we purchased are now cleaning dipsticks. We expected that vacation to be one of their fondest childhood memories or their "Best Vacation Ever". They told us that they loved the trip, and thanked us profusely and haven't mentioned it since.
A few months ago my family came to visit me for the weekend while I was working on a project site. The project was a marina undergoing a "dredge". The sand from the floor of the marina basin was being scooped up with a front-loader laden barge. The sand was off-loaded onto a truck and driven about a hundred yards inland and then piled high in one spot to drain before being carted away at a later date. The result was a hard packed pile of grey sand and shells three stories high.
When family showed up on Friday evening the weather was wet and cold, and got worse on Saturday and Sunday. Midmorning Saturday the kids, ages 13, 11 and 6 accompanied me while I MBWA (Managed by Walking Around).
When the girls spotted the three story high pile of sand they naturally asked if they could climb it.
“Sure” I said “your mother isn't around.”
So we all headed up the sand mountain. I went last to catch any falling children. From the summit we spotted the house where we were staying. I called Dawn from the cell phone to wave, which she did. The reception was poor and the wind was blowing so I couldn't hear her tell me to get the kids off the mountain.
Then I had an idea and I asked my duaghters if they wanted to build the biggest sand castle ever. Their wide eyes and screems relayed a moderate interest.
We decended the slope and after procuring shovels etc. we headed back up the mountain like four out of seven dwarfs. Upon reaching the summit my six year old daughter Haley proved to be wimpier than expected. Six year old girls cannot brave the elements the way 44 year old men can. Who knew? The wind was blowing and it was cold…what a baby.
So....two minutes in, and the plan was falling apart. If I sent Nara the 11 year old or Shawn the 13 year old back with Haley I wouldn't see them again. Dawn has a penchant for logical, though rarely fun, decisions. Possession being 9/10ths of parenting I knew that Haley's defection would cause the loss of 1/3 of my working labor force…Haley never counted in that calculation anyway.
Instead of sending the defector to a warm place where she could be happy we decided to build her a 'happy place'. The remaining loyal children and I dug a "cave" for Haley to sit in, which she did, for the next 2 hours without a peep. She was so quiet I kept looking over to see if she was still conscious, or if a cave-in had ended her life and gotten me into a heap of trouble neither was the case. Haley remained snuggled up with my jacket and a big smile on her face during the rest of the project. No Mickey, no Minnie, no $45 dollar t-shirt. Just 40,000 tons of sand beneath her in a semi warm cave.
The oldest, Shawn and her younger sister, Nara and I dug, chiseled a pretty cool sand Castle: bigger than life size.
It dawned on me while digging that parenting is a lot like dating: "Who" trumps "Where" every time. Where ever parents take kids the most important thing is to focus on the kids, not the place. The cliché is true: it is more about time together than anything. Like all chiches this one was ignored until prooven.
Parents can make almost any situation fun because enthusiasm is contagious and children catch enthusiasm faster than a cold or bad habit. A construction site with a big pile of sand can be better than Disney it you play it right.
On our way back to the house Shawn my oldest daughter turned to me and said “This is the best vacation ever.”
And so it was.
