I feel so lost right now. I don't even know why. Or what I did. Or didn't do. Or how to fix it. I don't like seafood. I've never been surfing. Or skiing. I want to go parasailing but I am afraid of heights. But I'll do it anyway. I loved that time we went scuba diving in Mexico but I am deathly afraid of the water. Go figure. I'm not perfect. But I try. I bite my nails and play with my rings when I am nervous. I bite my lips and crack my knuckles. I'm a terrible driver. I make myself car sick sometimes. I don't always make you laugh, even though I want to. I smoke and sometimes I don't know when my last drink should have been the one I had three drinks ago. I'm not always as adventurous as you want me to be, and I'm sometimes crabby. Okay, I'm a lot crabby. But I try not to be. I'm not all bad things. So I go to bed early sometimes and I hit snooze in the morning. More than once. Okay, more than twice sometimes too. I'm not a good cook, but I make a mean pot of chili, and yes it is better than yours. And damn if that cheesy rice and chicken doesn't kick ass too. I can't cook an egg, can barely boil a pot of water. So what if I've started a kitchen fire or two? I always have the baking soda handy, don't I? And yes, I leave the lights on and my socks on the stairs. And I don't fold the laundry right away or do the dishes the second we are done with dinner or put the pots back in size order or empty the dishwasher the second it is done. And I'm addicted to reality TV, but it's not that bad.
I tried to eat scallops and I just couldn't do it. It must be the scallops.
I try not to be boring, and I try to do the things that make you happy, but sometimes I just don't do them right or good enough. My mind wanders sometimes (a lot) and I sing in my head. Always. I am too sensitive. I cry over everything. I like to dance. I like to write, but not very good. You get mad when I sing but the music is there for a reason. I like to laugh, even when it's totally and completely inappropriate. I do it anyway and I don't apologize for it. I am not perfect and I don't want to be. But I am not ordinary and I will never be ordinary and you have me and I don't like seafood and I probably never will. And I'm sorry. And I really wish you would just not hate me seafoodless and silly and moody and tired and happy and sad and all the things that I am because I know there's not many like me out there.
