As a young woman I struggled with anorexia. I was a high school student obsessed with my weight, or lack thereof. At 5'2" tall I was well under 100 pounds. In fact, I was barely 90 pounds.
A typical lunch for me would be a small salad with a diet pepsi light. I would skip breakfast entirely and just fill up on water. For dinner I would eat fairly normal though in small proportions.
I felt tired, weak and I felt this dark aura around me. I was slowly starving myself. I made it a habit to stand next to friends who were larger than I in order to appear thinner myself. I would run laps and laps and laps around the track to keep myself fit.
I would turn down anything that I felt was fattening, such as cake at a birthday party.
When I looked into the mirror, I was sure that there was a 300 pound teenager staring back at me.
Anorexia generally occurs in teenage girls, however, it can occur in boys and young women also. In short, the anorexic is obsessed with being thin and terrified of gaining weight. No one really knows what causes anorexia. It could be a control issue in that the person has control over a specific thing in their life when they feel that the rest of their life is out of control, or it could be a part of perfectionism.
Those who suffer from anorexia are frequently obsessed with perfection. They generally make good or reasonable grades and are usually very involved in school or other community activities.
Overcoming anorexia can be a major challenge. First, the anorexic has to realize they are sick. For me, being hungry was normal. I found ways to push the feelings of hunger aside and carry on while ignoring my growling stomach and my general feelings of malaise. I wasn't sick, I was fat. Of course, I was very wrong.
I had a hard time concentrating and functioning on a daily basis. I struggled through and somehow managed to graduate from high school. I got married shortly after graduation and suddenly was doing our cooking and cleaning. A funny thing happened. I got very distracted with being a new wife, and completely forgot about ignoring my hungry stomach. I suddenly gained (a much needed) 15 pounds. I felt better. I looked better and my life dramatically improved.
After awhile though, I became pregnant. I was again terrified of gaining weight. I watched the scales creep up on a weekly basis as my baby grew within me. I once again found myself hungry. I again pushed those feelings aside in order to not gain weight. I mean gaining the weight of the baby was enough as far as I was concerned. The doctors told me I needed to eat at least 1500 calories a day. For me, this was nearly impossible!
Being young and completely naive on these matters, I soon found myself at the doctors with extremely high blood pressure. I was diagnosed with toxemia. At 5 months of pregnancy, I was put flat in bed, and the doctor prescribed some blood pressure medication and required that I drink 1 gallon of water per day. I didn't know it at the time, but toxemia was frequently found in anorexics.
The remainder of my pregnancy was spent in this fashion, flat in bed, I couldn't do anything that might increase my blood pressure and I had to sleep most of the time. The doctor did prescribe some medication to induce sleep. In short, I was kept sedated for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was also hospitalized 5 times as my blood pressure continued to rise. My baby was in jeopardy as was I.
I finally went into labor but my body was in no condition to make a normal delivery, so after 30+ hours of hard labor I was rushed in for an emergency Cesarean section. My baby was put into ICU and I was given several transfusions and heavily medicated for several days. Finally after 8 days we were released from the hospital. I was still unaware that my anorexia had caused all of this.
My son is now 26 and suffers from a myriad of health issues. I often wonder if my anorexia caused any of this. I will never know for sure.
Today, I still struggle with maintaining a healthy weight, though after 4 more pregnancies, it is now much easier. I weigh in at slightly over 100 pounds and still think of myself as that 300 pound woman, though I know deep down that I am not overweight at all. My husband reassures me that I am just fine the way I am and that my weight doesn't matter.
It is something that I will always struggle with but by helping my children to eat healthy I help myself to eat healthy too. It was a long hard road to travel and I wish I had confided more in others as I went along this lonely journey. Today my husband and children often ask me if I have eaten. If not I am generally escorted into the kitchen and required to eat something.
I share with my children and their friends the importance of eating healthy and when I see some of their young friends that are obviously anorexic, I seek an opportunity to share with them about my journey. If I can save one teen from going through this agony, it will have been worth the effort ten fold.
