I. Some things are not meant to be known For the heart they break may be my own, I speak the truth she hates - My life until now was all a big mistake.
Left to my own devices, Abandoned by the world The silence was distinctly sour. Thinking no other person could possibly understand The demons whispering in my head, She searched with half-emptied thoughts For substance, a pole to spin our universe on, Longing in the darkness of my tortured soul Waiting for some wanton touch that just might make us one, An obsession not to be obsessed, Wandering in a wanted depression, hoping for sought after emotion The harmony of life dissolving around us, These memories linger lonely. Moving forward is difficult When the past doesn't fade, Countless years of ignorance and innocence Had passed our eyes Yet she remained in the times behind, Clinging to our childhood as if it were a ragdoll. She found comfort in the moonlight Wanting more than to simply succumb But thinking only “If my memory is eternal Than so am I.” I can never go back To the way things were before this began.
There was a simple conversation A throaty sigh A whispered greeting A stranger passing through our life, Accepting our ignorance He allowed her to be as close as this - An understanding touch Surrounding our senses with white noise, Letting closeness linger on their fingertips Kisses eager to fulfill her lips, She unbound my self-inflicted chains And I was regaled by my own undoings Relishing my new mind and once forgotten soul I embraced my new heart for it was no longer cold and afraid, But warm, beating, and ready to attend to needs and love. But then he left me alone with her Even after I begged him to stay, I was injured and crying, In total despair, Her words are daggers Her thoughts despise No issues are unaddressed, She nags and attacks Until only my inner soul is left Then she backs off To regain her strength While I ponder the mistakes I've made since the start of time, The ones she pointed out With that vehement smile, My own worst enemy, The cycle never ceases From rise to set We stand together her and I And try to forget, That each other exist, Until I trip over life's curb Then her laugh pervades the world. If he would only stay, Speak to her worries Of my incompetent tries To reach the normalcy Of other people's lives, Keep me company so She'll stay away, asleep Perhaps forever, Or even just a day.
II. Then my heart was mislead, There is no mistaking that, To care for one so truly Is a mistake one should not have to regret.
Garden roses red as her lips Handed over by that stranger she kissed, His eyes so gentle, hair so fair Meaning intentions my soul can't bear, Cursed by deception, For him love is like war Bitter to the very end. She felt discarded, Forgotten, Alone. Me, Who I am, Hidden away. Kept from the world, More importantly, From my own mind. Undeniable truth Unspeakable shame Unfortunate to the many Who received the blame. Nightmares can be landscapes Painted by hearts, He left us to lie alone in my head, A universe of one, secluded and dead.
I felt my heart become stale To convince herself That our life is nothing less Than what they think it is, Shielding herself from time She worried and pondered the obstacles at hand But they were more difficult than she envisioned and planned, Fallen victim to an unsuspected game where
Love was oft mentioned to describe many things, When rolled from the tongue It left a bitter taste, An absence of love Draining my soul to the last drop, She resists now the urge to kick and scream, For she could not take hold of what was unseen. Token daydreams and dreams for sale, Her words have been in shadow. Sometimes though the twilight is brighter than the day, As our eyes awaken to the trickery of light She realizes everything comes with negative discourse, Noxious ghosts of the past having captured us and torn her apart, We love and yet hurt, unable to admit to one another and unable to console. Fleeing with memories to the caverns of our universe She compromised my intentions, To love was everything yet nothing for her at all, What she has not learned haunts me, In the darkness she clings to all she is A shadow gloried by her sighs, Tossed by the wayside my spirit died, We were left thinking that There is no purpose to love Other than to experience one another And by doing so, learn something of yourself. My heart is still weeping for innocence lost.
III. Condemn me not for who I was, But for who I will be, Learning the lessons of my past Has set me free.
Now in someone else's eyes is the flame of my spirit, His easygoing compassion consumes her, Intertwining our words to the pleasure of our minds An overwhelming desire To be myself is at hand, Finally absolution from the things she's seen, He has told me it is not my fault, indeed He is a calming wind Blowing free the hair upon my troubled brow, He wipes away the tears endowed By frustration and fear To open my eyes, Embracing the passage of time I hope to reside In each moment with him For a lifetime, My story seems one of penance Emotions kept in check For things I had done In lives before But on this I didn't bet - The delicate passion of our words, Feeling the unbound energy That releases me from my prison, Leading me down the path Of midnight's embrace, Love envelops me, Holds me, Gently rocks me. His arms embrace me, Hold me, Gently swaying. I am swept away By the depths of his mind, Enriching my days, Comforting me at night, Reminding me that I exist And deserve to be loved Like everyone else.
I am meant to be led from within I must not look back What was said, done, felt It is in the past Turning our back to it She leaves these old things among the ruins, Clinging brings pain, Me, complete, whole Moving headlong into what will be Not being immobilized by what was, Liberation, Freedom From all the demons She has felt before. Keeping with the momentum of our life I run, out of breath I am pushing forward Falling headlong into unknown terrain Grasping for traction, Keeping with the momentum That she has given me I fly.
