Preface
I have known a few men who have had rocky relationships with their children. Often, these relationships can be attributed to bad relationships between their parents. After observing a few of these relationships throughout my life, I thought a good story would be that of a father who sort of lost his daughter to the world early in her life, and then had trouble dealing with her when she became more involved in his life as she grew older. This is a fictional story that I may rewrite in the form of scripts for a play or a book. At this time, I have written a monologue by the father. It's about a father's note to his daughter, after they had a heated argument, trying to explain his take on their rocky relationship.
Their relationship is much different than those with others in their lives.
Try to understand that I don't hate you as you may sometimes think. I admit that I don't like a lot of the things you say and do, but I don't hate you. I love you and always will. If I didn't care for you, I wouldn't care about what you say or do. You tell me that I am the only person with whom you have a problem. That may be so, but that doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with me. Try putting things in perspective. As your father, I naturally think of you, and treat you differently than anyone else in my life; you also deal with me differently than anyone else in your life. It stands to reason that our relationship would be different and complicated at times. Our expectations of each other are much different and greater than those with others. Problems occur when this is not understood.
The negative influence that she received from the women in her life about her father hurt her relationship with him…and she made poor choices in friends.
When you find it difficult to deal with me, consider some facts and events that have crippled our relationship over the years. I didn't have a fair opportunity to help raise you, teach you, or influence you in ways that I believe could have helped you live your life. You were, for the most part, raised by angry women, who had failed in their relationships with men. Their influence shaped much of how you think about me, men, and people in general. These women should have known better. They wrongfully taught you, verbally, and by actions, that I was a mean person. I believe this can be attributed to their own feelings of inadequacies, hurt, and disappointments in their failed marriages and relationships with men. What they taught you about me, whether it was intended or not, has been ingrained in your mind. In other words, you have been brainwashed! If you do not realize this, you will always see me the way they taught you. No matter what I say or do, if it doesn't suit you, you will be convinced that I am mean. When we have disagreements, or I try to make a point about something that you disagree with, you will be certain that I am "putting you down."
During those tender, vulnerable and influential teenage years, when you decided to run around without any guidance, you were influenced by an adult female friend of questionable character who took control of your mind. Her influence on you was not healthy, so I tried to intervene but failed. You also mixed and interacted with many people who were not going anywhere in life and you learned a lot of negative or useless things from them.
Her father felt cheated because people, who he did not approve of, taught her things that he thought was his role, and her alienation of him for years caused him deep hurt.
It may help if you would try to understand why I react to you sometimes in ways you don't like. Maybe you should try seeing me as a real human being with feelings. I don't think you realize how much mental and emotional damage you caused when you ran away in your mid-teens to be with someone who would use you. I worried about you day and night...for YEARS! You have no idea of the deep hurt that I experienced, the agony I endured, the tears I shed and the failure that I felt as a parent. Since you are not a parent, you will not understand this. Unfortunately, the damage has cut me so deeply, that even now, no matter how much I try, it is hard for me to completely forgive you. As you were growing up, I never imagined anything or anyone coming in between us. You were the purpose and joy of my life.
