Grandpa lives in a retirement community. He has always had a great sense of humor but I never appreciated it as much in the past as I do now. He's 92 years old and the fact that he can muster the ability to be funny at that age is hilarious in itself. When I walk in, he can usually be found sitting in the common area laughing aloud to himself, reading the comic strip. Everyone tells me what a delight it is to see him enjoying life so much at his age.
I respect him tremendously both as a retired airline pilot and as an older gentleman who has now forgotten what he used to do for a living. When he started flying, airliners still had propellers.
“I liked the jets much better,” he said. “I was always worried about one of them things coming unglued and slicing me in two.”
“I flew the plane. I guess there were people back there. I never looked to see.”
Getting old is a pain in the backside, literally! We have all heard of having senior moments but they seem to be more and more frequent lately. He finds himself amused by things that never crossed his mind a few years ago.
He recently had his dentures whitened. “I just dropped them off, they called when they were ready.”
“I have suddenly become very proficient at whistling little tunes. This not only makes me very happy but it makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his rope and gag.” How interesting is that?
“I lose things all the time now but I have found a new solution to locating them again. I simply replace the item that I lost, and the old one reappears like magic. I have two of almost everything!”
“Everything seems to give me need for hesitation now. I stop and think before I do almost anything except pee. Walking has become particularly jerky. I fear anyone younger than me. I always say if you think there is good in everyone, it is because you haven't met everyone yet.”
When grandpa lived at home, he had a lightweight aluminum walker. Now he has a four-wheeler with hand brakes, a seat, and a basket for carrying his mail and a try for his dinner. I call it his SUV walker. There seems to be a competition among the residents when it comes to which one has the most modern, tricked-out walker.
“I realize now why I gave my kid a middle name, it is so he knew when I was really mad. When he did something wrong he'd smile at me. This was how I knew he is planning on blaming someone else for it. Now when he does something wrong, it usually involves picking up the wrong pills.”
“They say that nothing is sure but death and taxes. Have you ever noticed that when you put “The” and "IRS" together, it spells "Theirs."”
“I look in the mirror and think about telling people I am younger than I am but then on the other hand, I want people to know why I look this way. I have come a long way and some of the roads left pit marks on my undercarriage.”
“When I sometimes wish I was very young again, I just think about Mrs. Cahill's 5th grade health class and I don't feel so bad. Besides, she's dead now and I'm not.”
“Thankfully, wrinkles aren't painful. If they were, I'd need morphine.”
“Parts of me are drying up and the parts that aren't, leak. Who knew Huggies came in adult sizes?”
“Looking out the window watching the tulips I planted coming up, I suddenly think about pushing up daisies. Is that word association?”
“I used to have trouble remembering faces then it was names and now I can't remember who the hell you are.”
“The older I get the fewer things I am willing to wait in line for. Usually if I wait in line for more than five minutes, I have to pee.”
“My memory is so shot I can't remember why people are laughing when I tell a joke.”
“I used to say a penny saved is a penny earned. Now I just think of it as a government oversight.”
“They always give us ice cream after the blood test, like its some sort of reward. Why not before, as in incentive? Whoever said blood was the gift that keeps on giving wasn't 92.”
Upon leaving the nursing home I gave my grandpa a hug and he said, “Thanks for coming around Jim.”
I reminded him my name was Michael and he told me to say hello to him too.
I know each time I walk out the door may be the last time I see him. As I look back at him one last time, he has already forgotten I was there and is again chuckling at his comic strip.
The administrator winks at me and smiles. “I'll remind him later that you were here, it always makes him happy.”
Grandpa in his late stage of life is such a joy. It makes you wonder how much we all miss by living in the fast lane with all our stress and cares each day. Thankfully, he doesn't remember any of his.
