I'm empty. I'm empty inside and I don't know what to do. Why didn't someone tell me? You see my boyfriend broke up with me the yesterday. Why you say? Well you would never know this by looking at him, and certainly not think it by looking at me, but he says he's gay. Yeah gay, I can't believe it. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with people with “alternative lifestyles”, but this wasn't supposed to happen to me. This is my senior year in college. We were supposed to get married, but you see…..he's gay. We have been planning our futures around the two of us being together. What am I supposed to do about my plans now…our plans? I mean, you read about it in magazines, and Oprah does specials, but you never think it will be you. My man, the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with is or should I say was, living on the down low! It's not the fact that I've been betrayed or that he took my emotions and threw them away. The problem is not just that he's gay, but that he has AIDS. For the most part we used protection, but for the last couple of months I let my guards down. Now it's too late. It's too late because I am empty. I'm empty because I have AIDS.
Let me back track. My name is Donyelle and I was dating Greg. We were high school sweet hearts. The fairy tale romance is what the two of us shared. Greg was the star quarterback of our high school football team. Sure all the ladies loved him, but I knew he was mine. There were rumors throughout the school about him and Todd, our star running back, at the away games. I just brushed them off; hatas will say anything to bring you down right. Right? Now me, I was captain of the cheerleading squad. You know… the one at the top of the pyramid. Our lives were perfect. No one could top us; we were the “it” couple. I remember when we first thought we were ready for sex. We were in eleventh grade. I thought I was grown and I knew I was in love. He meant the world to me, and I wanted to show him that.
Donyelle: Time to Make Love
We had been planning for months on having sex, and the time was almost here. My mother had yet another out of town business meeting to attend. She was never home. My father, as usual, was God knows where. I suppose father isn't even the right word to use for him. He was my mother's occasional lover. We never talked, not my mother and I nor my father and I. Anyway, let's get back to Greg and me. We decided that he would come over that Thursday after football practice. That would be our day. July 15th I was going to give myself… all of me to Greg. This was a huge step for me. After all I was a virgin. Of course Greg had already had his share of women before and while he was with me. I overlooked his many infractions with other women, because he loved me. I knew I was the one he wanted. The other girls were just opportunistic whores, hoping to get a piece of what they thought would be a super star. Finally, Thursday was here. I didn't go to school. Instead, I stayed home cleaning the house and getting myself ready. I scurried around the house vacuuming and sweeping everything. Then I went out to the rose garden and cut a few down. I threw the petals all over my bed, and a few into the bubble bath I had waiting for us. Of course I had stopped by Victoria's Secret to pick up a little somethin' somethin' for Greg to go wild over. I just wanted this day to be perfect. I only had one time to get it right; you can't lose your virginity twice. I showered in the guest bathroom, changed my clothes, and did my hair and make up. Ding dong, it was time. Greg was here, and I was nervous. I walked slowly to the door, my heart beating a mile a minute. I opened the door, and there stood my 6'2, caramel chocolate, prince. He had sweat dripping from his forehead and a sly smile on his face. “Damn baby, all this for me”, Greg said. “Of course, this day has to be special, I love you.” I let him in and he went upstairs to shower. I guess the rose petal bubble bath wasn't his speed. He rushed back downstairs, butt ass naked. (Not the picture I had in mind, but I went with it) Greg was kissing me heavily on the couch and with no warning thrust himself into me. I screamed in agony. I couldn't believe he wasn't taking his time at all. Wasn't this day as special to him as it was to me? Obviously not, it was over before it started. I could have went to school for this shit. As the years went on, he got better at it.
