Greg: Secret Thoughts
I love Donyelle. She has always been there for me. I just can't shake this feeling. I mean everybody says that it's not cool for me to feel this way. I just don't understand how that could be. How can anything that makes me feel this good; be wrong. I mean the way Todd touches makes me feel free. It's like all of the problems I have just melted away. There is no pressure from my parents, work, or even more Donyelle. She deserves more than I can give to her. I feel some sense of duty or obligation to her since I have been lying to her for this long. You see she knows about the women that I have cheated on her with. The truth of the matter is that I hated sleeping with women. It is just something I did to throw people off the scent. I didn't want them to know that Greg, the star athlete, was really gay. I am so tired of trying to hide it. It hurts so bad to live with this lie. I long for the touch of a man's kiss. Speaking of kisses, Todd was the best kisser. I mean his lips were like rose petals tracing his love all over my body. No woman could make me feel this way. Donyelle tried. She just couldn't be what I needed, and I cannot be who she wants me to be. I am gay. My parents will never understand. It's like a curse if a black man is gay. You are suddenly carrying the plague. I need to be free. I just have to be who I am. I don't want to hurt Donyelle but this secret is killing me. We will be going to college soon. Lots of young couples break up once they get a taste of the real world. Maybes there she will find a man who can be all she needs. I want that for her. I've been sneaking around with men behind her back almost the entirety of our relationship. The women she knows about, but she would have never thought about the men. I remember the first time we had sex. I was humping and pumping just trying to get it over with. I know she wanted it to be special. I just couldn't do it.
Donyelle: Planning for the Future
Our senior year of high school we decided to go to the same college. We finally agreed on Spellman. It was a historically black college, and that was important to both of us. We graduated and went on to Atlanta, GA, or should I say Hotlanta. When we got Atlanta, Greg immediately started training for the new season with the Spellman Jaguars. He had a full athletic scholarship. I had a partial academic scholarship, but my mother was a doctor, so finances were not my concern. As time went on the relationship between Greg and I started really being tested. From the hoochie mamma groupies' beating down his door, to the rumors of him being Taisha's baby daddy, the stress was really getting to me. I stuck it out though because he was my man and I knew it. If I had known then what I know now then they could have had him. All of them could have had him.
Donyelle: Quiet After the Storm
Here it is four years later; whores, lies, scandal, and regrets later, and I have AIDS. Well it's not going to beat me. I know there isn't a cure, and now I'm alone, but I am still me. I am a strong, educated, black woman. I will not allow past ignorant decisions to determine the outcome of my life. I am going to hold my head high and LIVE! Many times when people find out they are infected they immediately surrender to the disease. Not me, I will survive. Now I just have to educate myself more on the disease, and get involved. If I can help others feel the resolve that I have now, then it is all worth it. I will make a difference, in spite of my condition. I will rise above the fear and flourish regardless of my physical state. In order to do this, I have to forgive Greg, and I have to forgive myself. So today, I will cry, scream, yell and cry some more. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will face it with optimism and light.
