“Exactly! I'll be able to spend more time with it.”
Daniel let go of Stephen's arm and took a couple steps back. “Stop it you two!” he yelled. “He's a dead man, just leave him his watch.”
Stephen and Linus began wrestling even more, causing everyone in the funeral home to turn and look. The casket was soon pulled off it's table onto the floor, knocking over the two nearby candles. One of the candles immediately lit the flowers and memorial wreaths on fire. Within moments the house was ablaze and fire trucks surrounded the funeral home as the Judge family looked on.
Daniel sighed. “I don't think this is covered by Grandpa's life insurance.”
“At least I got the watch,” Stephen said as he held the watch out in front of his son's face.
“That's it. I'm out of this family,” Daniel turned around and left.
Two.
Daniel, Rod, Lindsay, Randy and Ann were sitting at a table at the International House of Waffles. They were regaling each other with stories past. Daniel and Lindsay barely spoke as they were busy making googly-eyes at one another.
“So did I tell you of the new drama between me and Dana?” Randy began.
Several months ago Randy moved in with a friend of his sister's. Everything was fine for the first week and then Randy's idiot chip kicked in. Randy received sexually explicit pictures of his then-girlfriend and she asked for photos of him.
Randy set up the digital camera and took his clothes off. Oh, God!” he shivered. It was cold that day. And so Randy began posing in several cheesy and generic erotic poses. Each with a fake goofy smile. It was weird.
“So anyway, I guess I didn't delete all the pictures off the computer and Dana found them. She sent me a scathing email and called me a pervert several times in it,” Randy said.
“I told you that you shouldn't have taken those pictures,” Daniel said.
“It's not like those photos caused any major damage,” Randy smiled.
Not true. Somehow the pictures wound up on an Internet pornography site. Randy had to hire a lawyer to get the photos taken off. His girlfriend then broke up with him.
“Nope. No damage at all,” Randy smiled.
Rod wiped his hands and mouth on a cloth napkin and tossed it on his plate. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom,” Rod announced.
“You don't have to avoid the check, Rod. Everything's on me,” Daniel said. "And we didn't really need to hear your bathroom schedule."
“I'm gonna go, too. I'll be right back,” Randy stood up. “Do you need to go Ann?”
“No, no. I'm good,” Ann said.
“I really think you need to pee, Ann!” Randy pulled at Ann's arm but she refused to move.
“I don't need to go Randy!” she pulled her arm away. Randy bent down and whispered into Ann's ear. “Oh,” she exclaimed. “On second thought, maybe I could urinate a little.” She got up and followed Randy toward the restrooms.
“Somehow I think they all wanted to leave us alone," Daniel chuckled and looked at Lindsay's eyes. "I'm kind of glad."
“If you wanted us to be alone then why did you invite them?” asked Lindsay.
Daniel began stuttering as he created his answer. “Well, I wanted this to be a friendly get-together but I did have an ulterior motive. What are you doing tonight?”
“Watching television reruns, gorging myself on chocolate almond ice cream and shaving my legs,” she answered.
“So are these plans set in stone or…?”
“Well it has been a while since I last shaved my legs,” Lindsay laughed.
“So I guess you wouldn't want to go to dinner with me? Maybe see a show?”
“Of course I would! I can shave my legs any night.”
“Great. How about I pick you up about eight? There's a play at the community theatre I've wanted to see at 8:30. It's supposed to be really good,” Daniel said.
“Community theatre,” Lindsay smiled, “you have a very odd way of getting into my pants Danny.”
Daniel's cell phone began ringing. “Four out of five women can't be wrong,” Daniel chuckled and answered his phone. “Hello?”
