Fiona walked hesitantly onto the stage and with a deep breath, looked at her audience. The pianist, Miss Brooks fumbled with her music book. She knew this contestant was going to attempt Whitney Houston's “Why Does It Hurt So Bad.” The nervous young girl stepped awkwardly from foot to foot as she waited, six hundred faces staring at her from the gloomy hall.
She swallowed an inordinate amount of saliva and frowned in disapproval at the fat woman sitting at the keyboard. Why can't Miss Brooks get her act together? Fiona thought. She knew this was her big chance.
Miss Brooks placed her fingers on the keyboard. Fiona braced herself then opened her mouth. Her mother listened with pride as her precious daughter managed to hit seventy percent of the notes. The rest of the audience were not so attentive. By the time she had murdered the song, Fiona's mother reluctantly accepted the realisation that her daughter just didn't have it.
Billy Townsend followed her with his pet dog, Apollo. The audience waited as poor Billy lay there on his back with a leg in the air trying to coax Apollo to fetch a carrot he had dangling on a short piece of string from his left big toe. He looked decidedly ridiculous with the bloody vegetable swinging just off the floor waiting to be grabbed by his hairy partner. It was a disaster! Apollo was more interested in the stage manager standing behind the curtain on the left of the stage. He failed to even notice the carrot despite Billy's frantic attempts to encourage him.
Weeks earlier, the town had reluctantly accepted the closure of its stone engraving industry. Someone had arrived from Canberra and announced the stones were endangered and they needed to conserve the remaining ones. To the locals, there appeared to be an abundance of the stuff left, but they were banned from selling them. They desperately needed some event to brighten them up.
It was a strange set of circumstances which created this artistic competition in the first place. A chap called Eric arrived unexpectedly. He said he represented a company looking for new talent. The mayor was desperate for a diversion from a major crisis he was facing. He was accused of selling the town's only supply of organic vegetables to an Adelaide consortium. Unfortunately for him, no one was benefiting from the deal. Then this Eric arrived on the scene and suggested he organise a major competition to find some new talent.
An advertisement appeared in the local paper. "Talent required. We need to know just how good you are" The wording had an impact on many of the readers. Julie Swanson wanted to let the community know what her darling Justin could do with the violin. She didn't want the three thousand dollar investment in his lessons to go unnoticed.
Moira Townsend saw an opportunity to parade her twins. She believed they had the gift of repartee and was certain they would win the prize. Mary Higgins had the same idea. Her kid, Brad could play the love song from “Titanic” by blowing into a row of plastic bottles with a different amount of water inside. Mary was certain that would impress the audience and win the prize for her son.
Jane Jolly. (She hated her new surname, but Peter couldn't help it. She loved him from the first moment she clapped eyes on him) was certain her daughter Rachael would win the prize with her rendition of "One Fine Day" from Madam Butterfly. She was convinced it would be the major attraction at the competitions. The audience's ear splitting response to Rachael's performance overjoyed Jane and she was certain she had won the prize, while her little daughter slumped exhausted on a wooden bench used primarily for supporting polystyrene cups for the stage hands.
When William Strang sauntered onto the stage and blew flames from his eighteen year old mouth, the audience gasped. They loved his flamboyant act and Jane wondered if her Rachael's prize was in jeopardy. She didn't need to worry about the next kid. A gormless lad called Todd stumbled into the spotlight and positioned himself awkwardly in the centre of the stage. No one had seen him before.
The audience watched as he fidgeted. They became as uncomfortable as he obviously was while they waited, and waited. Todd appeared to do nothing. The audience became restless. As Todd stood staring at them, the audience became even more restless.
Not one person noticed what he was doing as he continued to stand apparently motionless. They were too busy waiting for him to perform. He was performing, for Godsake. He WAS performing!!. Little Tammy Hownsworth was the first to notice what was happening. She had read about it in her story books and it seemed she would have to point it out to her mother.
