The Razor's Edge: Larry's Point of View

My motives originate from experiences unique to myself. I live the way I do because I admit to ignorance, what sets my life apart from others is my burning desire to quench my ignorance. Death is a mystery humanity tends to push aside to the darkest corner of its mind. Death is real, and I have witnessed its merciless face.

During my service to the French in World War 1, an innocent young man, Patsy, sacrificed his life to save mine during combat. He squandered his own chance to live life, and yet allowed me to live mine. I came to believe life was precious, and I found it difficult to revert back to a lifestyle based around material wealth when exposed to a path extending beyond a mere lifespan.

Experiencing death directly allowed for my quest for knowledge to begin. I told Isabel, "I want to make up my mind whether God is or God is not. I want to find out why evil exists. I want to know whether I have an immortal soul or whether when I die it is the end" (Maugham 69). My decision to embark on this quest cost me Isabel, and I was compelled to spend a few years in Paris, randomly reading and learning about everything I could.

I traveled to a coal mine in Lens, where I was sure the arduous labor would help to soothe my soul. I met Kosti, a man who enhanced my interests and furthered my education when he spoke of mysticism, albeit under the influence of alcohol. It was as if I had "lain awake in a darkened room and suddenly a chink of light shoots through the curtains" (105). I will always remember the horror that crept over my body when Kosti said “that the world isn't a creation, for out of nothing nothing comes; but a manifestation of the eternal nature… that evil is as direct a manifestation of the divine as good” (105). Kosti liberated me from the narrow spiritual life in which I had been brought up, and ultimately aided me in my search for knowledge and self-existence.

Further liberating me from my narrow spiritual life was the physical indulgence and bliss brought forth by Suzanne. I soaked in her lifestyle, realizing that a plain and sincere way of life brought happiness. Soon after I encountered Father Emsheim, who convinced me to live for three months in an Alsace monastery. While I enjoyed learning about Catholicism and the way of living for monks, a question still agitated me:

If an all-good and all-powerful God created the world, why did He create evil? The monks said, so that man by conquering the wickedness in him, by resisting the temptation, by accepting pain and sorrow and misfortune as the trials sent by God to purify him, might at long last be made worthy to receive His Grace. (256)

I was unable to accept their explanations for the existence of Evil, How could I believe in a God lacking common sense? By that time, I had a more definite idea of what I wanted to find in my personal quest.

My quest found me wandering in India, and it was in India where I willingly spent two years with a holy man named Shri Ganesha. During one of the mountain retreats, I watched as the sun rose and had an extraordinary experience:

How grand the sight was that was displayed before me as the day broke in its splendour... I was ravished with the beauty of the world. I'd never known such exaltation and such a transcendent joy… I had a sense that a knowledge more than human possessed me, so that everything that had been confused was clear and everything that had perplexed me was explained. I was so happy that it was pain and I struggled to release myself from it, for I felt that if it lasted a moment longer I should die; and yet it was such rapture that I was ready to die rather than forego it. (275)

I was reborn into a new body, my perception of the reasons for the existence of evil forever changed. I had admitted to the narrator that "it may be that there is no solution or it may be that I'm not clever enough to find it," (279) but then went on, "The best I can suggest is that when the Absolute manifested itself in the world evil was the natural correlation of good...Isn't it possible...that the values we cherish in the world can only exist in combination with evil" (279)? The same concept Kosti had revealed to me had ultimately led to my conclusion on the nature of evil.

At my return to America, I had finished my great quest, for the most part. I chose to give away all my money, for after experiencing a spiritually fulfilling life in India, America seemed even more materialist and greedy than before. I believed that the “greatest ideal man can set before himself is self-perfection” (280). For all of America's countless inventions, factories, and machines and all they produce, happiness in material things is simply a false American lie. India firmly believes that “the way we have chosen leads to destruction" (280). This is why I ultimately wanted to marry Sophie, so I could gain spiritual happiness knowing I was the only one who could save her. I plan on continuing to live my life as it has been, helping others selflessly and generally contributing to society in a worthy manner. If you would call me a saint, I would reply by saying I was an ordinary man who chose an extraordinary path to travel, the path over the razor's edge.