For several years now, at every holiday, I muse about holiday orphans - those who like me, spend the holiday alone. I don't have a spouse/significant other, no kids, no close family in town (except one fellow orphan who I guess is content as I am to be on his own), no close friends that live within 10-15 miles, no neighbors that I hang out with.
In my younger days and when I had a car, I made the effort to go to the family gathering at my cousin's house. Theirs was THE family meeting place for good, home-cooked food and reconnecting with relatives I hadn't seen in years. It was usually fun while the day lasted. But when I got home, it didn't seem like a holiday at all. Just another day in the life. That became depressing. So each year, I attended fewer and fewer gatherings. For the past 5 or so years, I haven't attended any.
At some point I reconciled and became content with spending the holidays on my own. Instead of traveling to someone else's house to eat, I make my own feasts. If I feel like socializing with family or friends, I call them on the phone. But mostly, I take the opportunity of a holiday to catch up on chores and/or projects. (The difference is: Chores are things youhave to do. Projects are things you want to do! I'm lucky to have an endless supply of both.) When I tire of either, there are always the “fun” things to do like catching up on email, surfing the internet, playing PC games, re-watching favorite movies, or like this 4th of July, the ever-popular: re-watching marathon episodes of my favorite TV show - Twilight Zone. (Sadly, T-Zone marathons come but once or twice a year.)
Depending on the time of year and weather, sometimes I've ventured out. Few places are crowded. Everyone's at home - theirs or a family member's or a friend's place. Summer's a bit different. Lots more people are out and about, especially at local events/attractions. It's funny to be among them. It's like I'm invisible. Alone in a crowd. It was a bit depressing at first. But then I became fascinated and quite comfortable with it. I can choose to interact or not. I can be a participant or an observer. Realizing that it was MY choice, changing my perspective, made all the difference.
Though I spend quite a bit of time alone, - holiday or not - I rarely feel lonely. I know that the choice is mine. If I WANT to be with people, I have family and friends that'd be more than happy to greet me at their doorstep. But I wonder: What about others, like the Fellow Orphan I mentioned earlier? In fact he is my stepbrother. Though he is not related to me or my immediate and extended family by blood, we are the only family he as ever known. Yet because of a huge mistake he made 10 years ago that resulted in his incarceration for the past 8 years, he is no longer welcome at any family gatherings. He has no friends - just associates through his job, and very few of them. I am the only family member he has contact with (except our half-sister in California. But that's another story.) I used to invite him to my place for holidays. But he always declined with various flimsy excuses. So I stopped extending invitations to him. I can't help wondering how he handles holidays like Christmas and his birthday. He doesn't send greeting cards, not even online greetings. We've never exchanged gifts. I bought a few for him at Christmas. But he declined my invitations to visit so I re-gifted what I'd bought for him.
I have a cousin who is one of 8 siblings. She and I have become good friends in the past few years when she was living in the same city as me. Though she has 8 siblings, she is not close with any of them. She tries - really hard. But because of strong personality and lifestyle differences, and perhaps other differences that I'm not aware of, she is not really connected with any of them. When she felt that she didn't quite fit in during a holiday gathering, she came to my place.
She moved to California a year or so ago. Lives with her mom and a sister (and the sister's 2 kids), so we don't get together any more. We keep in touch by phone and email. I guess she's not really a holiday orphan anymore since she's living with family members.
