Lately, I've analyzed various conversations among people or between two people.
Conversation after conversation, it appeared most conversations fell into a certain category when it came to listening. The skill of listening has diminished over time. Society has become so individualistic, self-indulgent and self-centered, if the conversation is not about ME, ME, ME - the conversation is not worth the time.
The main category was the "The Look at Me" category. The conversation begins with someone telling a story or incident about themselves, friend, co-worker, kid etc. Before the person is even finished, the person who is supposed to be listening jumps in and says "Oh! The same thing happened to me when....; I felt the same when......That's exactly what I went through when.... Etc." Notice the phrases all have the word I or me in them. The conversation must revolve around and focus on them. This conversation ultimately gets turned around and they begin about themselves. The other person always seems confused and frustrated. They may have listened to the conversation but related everything to themselves. They don't care about what you said only that it related to something they went through. They are self-centered individuals that will alter the state of the conversation to be about themselves.
The other category is the "Pretending to listen". This is when a person is pouring their hearts in conversation to the other person regarding something they feel strong about and you hear the other person say "Really, wow, okay, no, yes, you don't say, I can't believe it etc." What an act! They have not heard a thing you said and if they did, the voices in their heads are saying "This is so boring; why they think I care; don't they notice I'm not listening; blah blah blah; etc." Again, these people, believe its boring, don't care are probably self-centered but are not as rude as the person in the first category; they just treat you like you are fool and pretend to listen.
The worst category is the "I don't care what you say". This is when the person talking is deep into the conversation and the person pretending to listen interrupts the person at mid story and starts a totally new conversation about a totally new topic that interest them. What are these people saying by doing this? They have no interest, no care, no concern, no consideration and are down right rude. Oddly enough the person talking, in most cases, just stops talking and listens.
The best of conversations were when one person was talking and the other person didn't interrupt and just listened intently. At the end of the conversation, the person listening only gave their advice or opinion if asked. If not asked, they would just repeat some important points by repeating them back just to confirm to the person they were listening. This person cares, is interested and makes sure the person conversing is aware of it.
One out of 10 people actually listen. Everyone else has horrible listening skills and is very individualistic. Listening skills are acquired through practice. Remaining quiet while the other person finishes their conversation is an extremely difficult task when you are accustomed to doing the entire talking and getting all of the attention. It is most difficult for those who love to hear themselves talk.
It's time people became more concerned about their fellow man then just about themselves.
