Some things in this world are hard to understand. Difficult to comprehend why or how such thing exists and makes our lives more complicated. We have choices to choose and paths to follow. However, most of us prefer to follow the most crooked path and the most questionable decisions. For some personal experience, one of the most complex things in this world is none other than, love. When we speak of love, we have different definitions to it. Based on our own point of views, thoughts and most of all based on our own experiences. Nevertheless, no matter how we define it, when we speak of love, when we do acts of love, the people around us often misunderstand us. Moreover, these people are the ones who are most important to us. Most close to us but are more likely judge us.
When we fall in love, we tend to become selfish. We are afraid to share our loved ones to the crowd. What I mean is, we only want their eyes unto us, their attention only to us. That is my idea of falling in love. To show never ending support, unquestionable fidelity and undying love. However, we often forget that we only feel that when we are on the peak of our emotions, of being head-over-heels in love. However, when that person hurts us deeply, our love fades and eventually ceases. When that happens, we often try to find ways to bring back the harmony of the relationship, to find the love that has gone astray. Yet, when it seems you have given your all and it is still not enough until such time you will give up. Your patience reached its limit and it ruptures! Then, it goes down and down to the bottom. Then you become a person who no longer hears the reasons, the alibis of your loved one. You have been pushed to your limit and you now want something else in your life! That is the truth. It is so great to be in love but, once you are hurt, there is no turning back.
I can say that way because that happened to me. I never meant to generalize it.
When the person I loved the most had hurt me, my world collapsed. I gave everything to have a perfect relationship but, in the end of the day, I am the only one left alone and heart broken. I tried to evaluate myself, what are the things that I may have done wrongly? I offered my time wholeheartedly if he needs me. Gave whatever he demands and supported his plans for the future. However, at the end, he turned me down. Not because I loved him too much but because he found back someone from his past. It hurts me so badly.
In my entire life, I always feel I am just the second best.
Now, I am more astray ever in my entire life. I choose to be the second best. Not to him, but to someone who will by no means be mine, to a married man. Someone I know who cannot give me his full attention, love and time. Someone I know who he truly loves.
That is my choice of being the second best.
The choice of hurting my self, the choice of a masochist.
