Self-absorbed and Self-centered

A little nervous and scared I went to the hospital because I was scheduled to have surgery. This wasn't just any kind of surgery. The doctor found a tumor in my uterus and was removing it and taking a biopsy to confirm cancer as the other biopsies that were taken indicated. The tumor had been growing and was causing me pain, hormone balance changes and headaches. My daughter decided she would go with me and pick me up when I was done because she also had a doctor's appointment in the vicinity.

My husband never really liked waiting around or much less waiting in the hospital. The decision for my daughter taking me and picking me was a great relief for him. Sometimes I think I just make excuses for my husband because deep in my heart I don't think he really cares about anyone but himself. Maybe it is because I want to believe he cares for me.

Throughout the afternoon, my husband had been in touch with my daughter getting updates from her, which indicated his care and concern. That night I arrived home around 10 p.m. and my husband greeted us out by the driveway. He helped me out of the car but the first words out of his mouth was “What happened to the antenna to the car?” Since I was still a little drugged up from the medication they had given me at the hospital, I didn't have the energy to argue with him.

My throat was throbbing in pain from the anesthetic tube they had used during the operation. My daughter had gotten me some ice cream to sooth my throat. Immediately after entering our home, my husband rushed passed me and sat in the living room to continue watching his program. Not once did he ask if I needed anything or if I was in pain. He was upset about the whole antenna missing thing and forgot all about his wife.

The following day, he asked me if I was okay but never asked if I had eaten or anything. Instead all he asked was “Are you going to church tonight? I'm asking because I'm leaving at 6 p.m. so you need to be ready”. Thankfully, my daughter had known that I had not eaten for 24 hours and volunteered the night before at 12 midnight to drive out to the nearest McDonalds and purchase something soft enough for me to swallow and not hurt me. I had been making us a late lunch and asked him if he wanted something to eat and again his response was “No, I already ate.” Wow! He ate and didn't even offer my daughter or myself anything.

We went to church and on our return; he asked “Are you cooking something? I'm very hungry.” He didn't offer once to cook or take care of me even though he knew I recently had surgery the night before.

I guess I'm the stupid one because I not only ended up cooking us a meal but also went out to the 24 hour grocer to purchase something for dessert. Is it my entire fault he's this self-centered, self-absorbed man? Or is he this way because this is just the way he is?