"Hey you with the funny glasses!"
I scowled and turned to see who was calling me. I was only slightly offended. No one was there. I turned back around, then glanced down at my watch.
Again, "Hey Four Eyes, we're talking to you." Several voices began giggling.
I turned again and the same voice said, "It's us. Down here. The rocks. The stones. Got a few pebbles too." All giggled.
I tried to analyze the situation. I'm waiting at a bus stop, and stones on the ground are talking to me. I scanned the area to make sure no one would ever see me talking to stones. Historically, talking to stones can shatter an otherwise healthy reputation.
"Say, Four Eyes, did you praise God today?" he asked accusingly. I put on my spiritual face: "Well, as a matter of fact, my whole life is a reflection of my praise unto God."
"Blah. Gag alert!”, the voice scoffed. "You expect us to believe that line? Well, I'll answer it for you. No. We don't believe you." A chorus of Yeahs went up.
"Well, okay. I did not praise the Lord specifically."
"That's better. You're an honest guy when you start telling the truth. So, why haven't you praised God today?" This stone was getting obnoxious.
Like Ralph Cramden, I said "Ahumma Humma Humma Humma. I don't know why not. And besides, it's none of your business."
Look at me, I thought. I'm talking to stones. And getting a response.
"Really, none of our business? Hear that? Hee hee. He says it's none of our business if he praises the Lord or not." Twelve thousand stones shook their heads collectively. They giggled.
"Well, Mister, all I can say is, if you don't praise the Lord, we can do it just as easy. Oops, sorry, you gotta go. Your bus is here."
I hate it when stones are right.
