Have you ever noticed how people tell you they want the truth, that they always want you to be honest with them, but the truth of the matter is, they want you to tell them sweet little lies to make them feel better, or stroke their ego, or whatever their reasons may be at the time.
The first 15 years of life, before I left home, I was told “Children are to be seen and not heard.” Now for most that meant do not make a lot of racket. In my house it meant I was allowed to have my own opinion, but I was not allowed to voice it. No matter what it was about. I spent most of my childhood talking to trees and my walls and myself.
Later, after I got married, I thought this would change. It turns out that I traded one muzzle for another. This time I could say what ever I wanted. The problem was, when I did, people thought I was crazy. You just can’t talk philosophy with some folks.
Because of this, I learned how to speak slowly and with small, sugar coated words so as not to alarm anyone.
This means that I spent the majority of my life feeling suffocated, trapped, and stagnant inside. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, making sure everyone could hear what I had to say for a change.
Many moons later I met someone who not only wanted to hear what I had to say, he encouraged it. For a while at least. After a while it seems like you have talked about everything under the sun so you fall into those mostly comfortable silences that come when you have been with someone for a long period of time.
I am ok with that. Really, I am.
I have noticed, however, that the general populations as a whole have become truth hypocrites. They say they want the truth. They DEMAND that you tell them the truth, no matter what it is or how harsh or unflattering it is.
They are liars.
Most people do NOT want to hear the truth. They want to hear what will make them feel better, or validated, or correct, or whatever part of their ego needs massaging at that moment in time.
This is not always a bad thing. We all need our ego stroked from time to time; it is one of the things that make us human.
It is bad however, when the people who are part of life as you know it tell you that they always want you to be honest and open with them, yet when you do, you are classified as harsh, and mean, and uncaring, simply because you did not tip toe through the proverbial tulips.
I have seen several relationships between other people wither and die for this very reason. I have lost and come close to losing relationships with friends and lovers myself over the same things.
These are the people who want the truth, but only when it is in the words and tone they want to hear it in. In those circumstances it is no longer truth, but a sweet little lie, no matter if the information is the same or not.
I think that people who do this, who tell those sweet little lies, are doing the person they are talking to, not to mention themselves, a great disservice.
Tact and respect for someone’s feelings is one thing. Having to totally squash a part of who you are to constantly spare people’s *in some cases* over sensitive feelings is something else all together.
I see this so much in today’s world. Yes, there are times when people are having a bad day or what have you, then someone asks them a question and they go out of their way to make the other person feel like crap. This is being mean and harsh, and is also part of life, it happens to all of us at least once before we shed our mortal coils. That does not make it right.
In addition to that, half the time people are so worked up over how you presented the information they asked for, they fail to see what you actually said. Or disregard it because it does not fit into the picture they painted for themselves.
Now before anyone who knows me gets all bent out of shape while reading this, I am not holding one person in my mind as I write this. I have been a people watcher all my life, and a lot of the jobs I have had over the years gave me ample opportunity to do that. It is everywhere. Real life, books, television, movies. It is taught to us as a “Nice thing to do”.
I never thought lying for any reason was nice, even though I have done it myself. I have never thought it was “Nice” even while telling it.
I myself am just not one of those people who can sugar coat everything. It gets caught in my throat and I choke on it. I have been called every name in the book because of it. Cold, harsh, mean, unfeeling, uncaring, brutish, bitch, and on and on. It does not bother me usually, but every now and then I get so fed up with having to be such a fake person to spare everyone’s feelings, that I just stop talking. I care about my friends and family more than they will ever know. The truth of the matter is that this is ME. Like it or lump it. I will not be put back into that box of not speaking my mind about something, especially when asked a direct question. I am not the only person who feels this way. I have spoken with many others who feel like the masses do not want, and can not handle the truth they all seem to ask for.
So folks, stop faking it. Stop telling the people you care about only half of the story. If you want the truth, then be prepared to get just that. The cold hard truth. If you want to be told sweet little lies…then go watch the Presidential Debates.
